I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
