You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
