When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
