Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
