He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
