It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
