How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
