the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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