You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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