my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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