You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
