I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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