I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
