Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
