sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
