can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
