literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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