this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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