the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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