I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
