If i come over, it means nothing
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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