Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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