wrigley field is MILF paradise
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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