Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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