sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
