I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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