Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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