whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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