you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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