I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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