Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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