Apparently you make a good broom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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