I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
