White coat. Heels.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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