My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
