my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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