***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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