his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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