I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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