Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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