so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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