escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I touched a dick in church today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
