Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize