I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
