Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
