i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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