u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
