Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
