I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
