My nipple is on Facebook.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
