Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
