i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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