Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
