After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The uberlube is also flammable
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
