She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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