I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think my moral compass just broke
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
