Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
