meet me or not, i'm out of control
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
