I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
