dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Boobs are out for the taking
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
