He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
