i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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