I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So vagazzling was a success
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
