i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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