Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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