I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
