Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
