I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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