12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Life is so much better after having sex.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
