He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
