508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
