When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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