this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
